He makes me fear for my heart, he really does.

That stupid weblog, why'd I encourage him to write in it? It's just torture for me, to see his heart like that. And to see his talent. It makes me nearly cry every time I read it. How do I stand it? What am I missing?

And then there's the Claremore Factor. . .

I said I wasn't up for that, I know. It's too far, he's too young. And I just wasn't up to the challenge. But today . . . I saw something that made me want to change my mind.

We were finishing up with practice and he was shutting down the mics so I could take him back to his house. Somehow we'd gotten on the topic of time diallation. It's some abstract mathematical physics concept, and as he started to talk about it, this look came over him and made him look almost ethereal. He didn't look like like Joe does when he's trying to explain a theory to me, as if the ideas in his head were painful to explain. And it wasn't like Nathan, explaining things as if it's a diversion to be speaking. It wasn't like Mr B, instructing and helping me along. He stood there behind the sound board with a look of wonder and joy on his face, speaking of this amazing theory that explained humans as beings of light, and how time and the entire world is bent. He was simply telling me some bit of knowledge and he let the awe he felt at this concept show on his face. I think he forgot I was even there. Pure, unadulterated joy in knowledge.

I could have fallen in love with him right then. Perhaps I shouldn't spend so much time alone with him.