I live in fear that someday I'll hit the wrong button and post this to one of my other blogs.

This is not an overwhelming everyday desire, but for some reason tonight I'm mega-wanting a boyfriend. And Claremore is looking less and less far away, and 15 is seeming a lot less young. Is that simply because it's being offered? I dont know. I wont even allow myself to consider it, but maybe I should? I don't know. This is really confusing.

Just because I'm not in love with him, doesn't mean I wouldn't still say yes. I'm just not gonna do the chasing.

And now that I've decided I no longer am going to pursue him, he seems slightly different. He touches me more often, puts his hand on my arm, puts his arm around me to guide me through a crowd. His hand lingers a moment longer in mine when we shake hands. And I no longer care what he thinks of me, does this make me flirty? Is this why every other guy who I don't love seems to love me? I doubt he even knows what he's doing.

Another friend of mine has basically told me that if he didn't know I was head over heels for my former love (this friend does not read this weblog, nor is he that deep in my confidence) he would be interested in me. My my.