If standing alone on a bridge overlooking the water, a full moon in the sky, talking of nature and beauty doesn't inspire love in him, nothing ever will.

My dad says I should be sexier. "He's got testostrone," he said tonight after all my friends left."He's just sexually bashful!" If only, Dad. If only. I think I'm just not the type of girl guys fall in love with. I'm the type they respect and admire and like, feel brotherly towards and unburden themselves upon, but not the type they think is cute or sweet or want to touch or hold. I'm not lovable.

His brilliance is torture.

I need no soft lights to enchant me
If you'll only grant me
The right
To hold you ever so tight
And to feel in the night
The nearness of you."
-Norah Jones "The Nearness Of You"

That album is officially mine.

Cold Cold Heart

I tried so hard my dear to show that you're my every dream
Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme
A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue
And so my heart is paying now for things I didn't do
In anger unkind words are said that make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind,and melt your cold cold heart

There was a time when I believed that you belonged to me
And now I know your heart is shackled to a memory
The more I learn to care for you, the more we drift apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

-Norah Jones

I haven't actually heard this song yet, but I was browsing and came across the lyrics. I'm attempting to download it now.

I hate watching sitcoms and those wierd drama/reallife/soap opera shows on WB and seeing cute and beautiful people hooking up with other cute and beautiful people and having those moments where you look at eachother and just know and then lean in and kiss and everything is happy until the episode with the first fight. Those moments never come in real life. At least not to me.

Then again, I don't really care about that moment. I care about everything that comes after. I care about the holding hands and talking on the phone and late night conversations and being comfortable with eachother. I like that part much more than the flirty, emotion filled pre-relationship. I'd be perfectly willing to skip all that if I could just have a boyfriend. Strike that, if I could just have him.

Funny thing, I had a crush on Beck long before I even met him.

I wish for the little couple-y things. I wish for giggling to ourselves. I wish for whispering in his ear. I wish for references to things just he and I did.

I wish for pet names (oh wait, I have those) and "I was just thinking of you" emails and phone calls. I wish for catching him looking at me, and asking why, and hearing "You're just so pretty." I wish to be walked to my car. I wish for his coat to be offered to me when I'm cold. I wish for his name and mine, written inside a heart, by his hand. I wish for the first time I'm introduced as his girlfriend. I wish for him loving cute little things I do. I wish for going to dinner together. I wish for him offering to pay. I wish to hold his hand.