I got the best hug I've ever gotten from my love tonight. As we were saying goodbye at the end of our evening with friends, he hugged me so closely and held me, rubbing my back with his hands like he wanted me there. I have never been so happy as those three seconds that I was in his arms. I want to cry now, thinking of it and knowing I can't have that all the time. As I got into my friend's car, I could still feel my love's hands on my back, warm and gentle. We fit so well, how can he not feel it?

As my friend said after we got in the car, he's not rejecting me, he's rejecting all girls. He just doesn't want to date right now. I know that, I understand that. It doesn't change the fact that we are not together.

I'd like to pretend like I thought he was hugging me tonight for a reason beyond friendship, that maybe things will change. But it's been nearly a year now since he showed any interest, and I can only take pleasure in imagining that within those three seconds, we are in love. And I know that we're not.